2008

It's hard to believe that's its 2008 already. mid january nonetheless. so far this year we've had 60 degree weather, 1 in of snow, and the first considerations of a black or woman president. what a year it will be, depending on who you ask. for me, i've decided to be less contemplative and more simple with the workings of this blog. so, cheers!

currently, i am starting my last semester of prerequisites here at good ol' Montco. 2.5 years there so far, full and part time. i've cherished it all, wouldn't change a thing, not even the major changes or the excess classes that don't count for anything. each has shaped who i am today.

i petitioned for the nursing program last friday and will hopefully be starting this summer full time. for those of you who know me, you'd probably say that i'll make a good nurse. and i'm sure you're right. i'm learning that there's a much needed balance in living a life for Christ. Sometimes there's things he calls us to do that would not necessarily be our pick. i feel nursing is one of these things. while i wouldnt pick it, i feel it picked me, and i'm excited to take God's hand as he leads me in it. my desires, or my plan A, will always be mine and available on this earth into eternity. what i dont get to do here, i believe i'll get to delight in, with Him, there. this includes things such as singing, dancing, learning, sharing stories, and learning cultures and languages. though seemingly contrary to my previous post, i even hold marriage in this life loosely. life's just way too short to spend with someone who hasnt been crafted by Him for you.

i'm currently studying a book by Max Lucado called "It's Not About Me - Rescue from the Life We Thought Would Make Us Happy." i was a little skeptical at first, it's actually a very cool book. it's changed my perception 180, and has given me clarity, things to think about, wrestle with, and rest in. i'm also reading "the Message//remix: solo - uncommon devotional" by e. peterson. a pressure-free invitation into times spent with God; its been healing at times, when i let it.

so what are you reading? has it made you think differently or opened your eyes to something new?

an unveiling, entry 1

so as im tempted to begin at the very beginning of my life, perhaps i'll throw a wrench in the expected predictablities. Right now, i am single. i have always been single, except for a stint in 9th grade that lasted for a whole month and a half with 11th grade chris o'brien. sweet guy, but short lived. i can honestly say that i've counted the number of dates that i've been on with both of my hands. i've never had sex. never made out with a guy. and never even really kissed a guy. (other than a hit-and-run that lasted for .3 secs on news years eve that covered about half of my mouth between two very awkward teenagers.) i've never really understood guys. i always got along better with girls. girls were easier to understand. boys just arent. for my perpetual analyzing mind, much to my dismay at times, i could never just "not think" like guys do. (sorry guys :) so it comes as no surprise that i never really dated or the like. oh, i had crushes. loads of them! who doesnt? that cute boy that all the girls like. that rebel guy that you know is so bad for you but he's just... yummy :) but unfortunately, it never seemed to work out, and in the 9th grade i made an ambitious goal to wait for my future husband, believing that God would send the right boy to me at the right time.

some things have changed dramatically in the past ten years... hairstyles, weight, even thoughts on love. but one thing hasnt. i'm still currently waiting for the guy that i know my loving God has for me. some people wonder how i can put so much trust on something i cant see, touch, talk to, or that would deprive me of such "immense pleasure." but i can. because i can see Him, touch Him, talk to Him, and live in His realm of pleasure and not regret. he's never disappointed me, unlike most people that i know. so, im sticking with Him.

i will say that its been an extremely difficult road to walk on. probably the greatest thing that ive struggled with all my life. whether influenced by this american culture or not, i've wanted to be married since i was 18. im 25 now and i regret nothing. would change nothing. and dont expect to be married anytime soon. and im ok with that. today at least. and thats all im given. there have been moments when the ache has hurt like hell (pardon the french). and moments where i could have given in and up to certain guys. moments when i wanted to, so badly, but grit my teeth and chose out of my will to say no... to stay faithful to Him and to my future him.

many girls say they respect me. they couldnt do it. they dont know how i do it. but i've only been able to do it with the help of Him. He's helped to keep me faithful. no matter how many times i came close to screwing up physically, and did screw up emotionally, mentally and spiritually. He still loved me. still loves me. and wont give up.

thats how i do it. so through all the crushes and heartache, all the glories of being free, i sit here at 25, single, and loving it? sure. today at least.

a new month.

so what began as a link to over-water communication with loved ones is continuing on as a record, a thought, a collection of intentional ramblings to catelog the comings and goings of my life. if for no one else, i'm excited to have something to remember my life by, learn by, and hope for in the future.

i've decided to start a series, although im not quite sure how exactly it will transpire. it was inspired by a simple, friendly invitation that was made whilst hanging out with some very cool people on a wednesday night. one posed the question, "so what's your story?" "who are you now, where did you come from, and what made you to be who you are today?" those are some pretty hefty questions, but i thought i'd tackle them a piece at a time, a memory at time. a journal entry at a time. so much has gone into shaping us as individuals, i bet it would take a lifetime to fully hear each story. so here's mine. if u care to know it...

11:14 pm

the curse of a nightly routine is that you usually perform it just before going to bed. i'm puzzled at this ritual, because one inevitably splashes water on their face, be it warm water, sure, and eventually finds themselves awake and typing away on a computer to try and ease them into dreamland. in the meantime, a few thoughts shared never harmed anyone too badly, i hope... :)

i have nothing profound to share except the realization of late that change really does happen. you know how often you pray that you'll be different than you are and you are tempted to worry that you will be the same person tomorrow that you were today, and yesterday. maybe you dont. maybe you just like going through life a day at a time and dont think too hard about the past or future. but in my case, ive realized how much ive changed over the past few years, and especially in the past few months. since my return from europe and my return to school, ive notice a calm, eerie peace about me. i know a lot of it has to do with the God i serve, but consequently, ive never done life like this... without worry, or the drive to constantly be doing something seemingly worthwhile to give my life a "reason" or purpose. esther and i were talking about an irish friend of hers who's visiting america and taking it by storm. he mentioned that a difference between irish folk and americans is that, appearently, americans need a reason to do something, whereas irish people dont. when i ask "well, why are u doing that?" he responds with "well, why not?" i cant emphasize that enough about my love for traveling. cultures are so different, its incredible what they can learn from each other. i'm thankful ive gotten to travel as much as i have, and i think im a bit wiser for it.

if there is anyone out there whos never spoken and learned the history and life story of a person not from this country, i encourage you to do so. we're all the same, really. we need each others stories to get a glimpse of whats real in this world.

im thankful for my story. all the muck. the profound. the simplistic. all of it. i hope u are too.

a moment to myself

what is it about the late quiet of night and the early morning semi-conscious haze that ushers us into a place of honesty, uncensored thought and raw, often rude, awakenings about ourselves, our minds, and our hearts? in the place of quiet, of dark, of privacy, and safety found in the middle of the shadowed night lives the fertile sod that houses all our thoughts, righteous and wicked; our dreams, sensible and insane; our fears, ungodly and demobilizing; and our expectations, justifiable and erroneous. and when the morning sunlight breaks the calm ambiance and stirs our sensations, we awaken, in a groggy and disoriented state, only to be greeted by the unbridled thoughts, emotions, and physical appearance of our who we were yesterday and who we thought we'd be today. i am a workaholic. i can use the dictionary to define what i am, but i can only truly define the word in the only way i know how to do life.

work–noun

1. exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something; labor; toil.
2. something on which exertion or labor is expended; a task or undertaking: The students finished their work in class.
3. productive or operative activity.
4. employment, as in some form of industry, esp. as a means of earning one's livelihood: to look for work.
5. one's place of employment: Don't phone him at work.
6. materials, things, etc., on which one is working or is to work.
7. the result of exertion, labor, or activity; a deed or performance.
8. a product of exertion, labor, or activity: musical works.

it continues to definition #54, @ dictionary.com

—Synonyms 1. Work, drudgery, labor, toil refer to exertion of body or mind in performing or accomplishing something. Work is the general word and may apply to exertion that is either easy or hard: fun work; heavy work. Drudgery suggests continuous, dreary, and dispiriting work, esp. of a menial or servile kind: the drudgery of household tasks. Labor particularly denotes hard manual work: labor on a farm, in a steel mill. Toil suggests wearying or exhausting labor: toil that breaks down the worker's health. 2. enterprise, project, job, responsibility. 3. industry, occupation, business. 4. job, trade, calling, vocation, profession. 7. product, achievement, feat. 16. toil, drudge. 28. operate, manipulate, handle. 29. accomplish, effect, produce, achieve. 34. finish, form, shape. 37. move.
—Antonyms 1. play, rest.

-work·a·hol·ic- a person who works compulsively at the expense of other pursuits.
[Origin: 1965–70; work + -aholic] work·a·hol·ic

-work·a·hol·ic- n. One who has a compulsive and unrelenting need to work. work'a·hol'ism

pardon my partial nerdism, but i've come to realize that when dismaddening clarity finds its way into my life, the fog of subjectivity is lifted, truth is defined, no matter who ugly and undeniable it is, and i can begin to find rest for my soul. i faced all these sensations this morning when i awoke to a day full of possibilities, empty of any responsibilities, in beautifully peaked health, surrounded by five warm living breathing souls that utterly love me, and fought for a time to be reminded of something that brought me joy, utter joy. ashamed that i could be totally blessed around me, yet not find joy in anything, i began this entry in search of answers.

unfortunately and fortunately, i've discovered nothing new. only my exhortation, divine exhortation, to live in the antonym... to play and rest. i struggle to do that here. i tasted this in ireland, and long in my heart to return to taste it again.

my time in spain was bittersweet. my time in ireland was nothing but sweet.

i long to learn from all three of these cultures: spain, ireland, and america... but even bigger, i long to find the kingdom of heaven in all of these cultures. that is the only place where i truly belong, truly rest, and truly live the way i dream and was intended to...

a few pics of the beautiful people of the green isle...

mark, me and laura toastin ta wine and a pint!

sam, sean, abbi, benji, robin, john, ger, rach, and meri :)

the emerald isle :)

a day at six flags

so i realize i still have to post about ireland, but until then, life goes on, including trips to six flags with esther, brad and my bro, ens. picture gorgeous weather, a half empty fun filled amusement park, and a flash pass that gives a 15 min wait (at most!) for each roller coaster. it felt so wrong to board a roller coaster whilst others waited hours... at first :) 10 roller coaster rides in 2 hours... a new record! :D After visiting old faithful rides like batman and medusa, i do have to say that El Toro (surprise, sopresa) and Nitro were my fav. I was enchanted as i walked through the makeshift amusement spanish sector of this grandeous park, blastin spanish guitars and lyrics over the loud speaker and seeing posters of flamenco dancers and toros (bulls). oh, how i missed my spain :)

esther and i getting snuggly with taz.

brad and ens being very forward with petunia... watch out porky!!

yes ladies, that's my studly brother (aka batman) with his old car he just donated...

esther (out of the pic?!) and i about to lose it on El Torrrrrooooo.....

are they happy? are they havin a good time??? aparently not brad... ;P

gotta have the $25 cotton candy!!

brad makin a move on wonder woman while esther feels the power. ens has his loyal sidekick by his side ready to kick crimefighting...

ohh i love the nightlights... we like to boogie... on the coaster so hhhiiiggghhhh.....

On the other side...

So apparently more people have been reading my blog than I thought :) Its a wonderful realization, and its been quite a few weeks since my last post. like many other people who have blogs, i found myself at a loss of what to say... when you experience so many new things everyday for a weeks straight, its hard to filter not only which treasures to share, but how to adequately share them so that your reader may get the closest resemblance to your experience- how it tastes, it smells, how you feel, and what thoughts raced through your mind at the moment. it can be a very daunting task, therefore, i found myself simply taking it all in in the moment, only to share with you all, in hind sight, the new, the beautiful, and the ugly.

Feeling the rhythm of spain in a flamenco dance class!

Kissing a crawfish as I get a taste of Spanish paella.

Enjoying the scents of Espana w/its beautiful magnolia blossoms.

my ending time in madrid, spain was a very bittersweet time. like most people who dont normally live together, or those that do ;), the bitter came in appearances of readiness on all my roomates part to return home and go our separate "living" ways. i couldnt have asked for greater roomates during this month abroad, we've done and experienced so much together. we were each others family while we were gone and God really blessed me with caring, respecting, and funny new friends :) in the end, though, it was time for us to return to our own homes and rest properly :)

Cheering my 25th birthday with champange filled chocolates! :)

Adam and Jason embarking on a paella-eating feast. Paella is a common spanish dish similar to our jumbelia (sp?). Rice, seafood, spices. Muy delicioso!



i also found myself joining fellow classmates at our favorite restaurant/bar called El Santo. a nice cozy sized bar, this place was not only classy and beautifully decorated with the celebrated theme of "Los Torros", including pictures and articles of bull fighters and the like, but it also hosted some of the most memorible people of my entire month in spain. Mounir and Pedro worked as a bartender and owner of El Santo and fell in love with our group as we fell in love with them. We shared drinks together, laughs, talks, smiles, and love as we rested there with them throughout the weeks after class. Mouni made a mean "tinto verano" (summer wine) and it proved to be the most refreshing drink of the summer of '07 for this chica. ;) They commented on the friendliness and sweetness of our group, and that us coming in to visit them was a treat. It was a treat for us indeed, to find a home and some friends in a foreign land where we are so far away. Gifts from the heart were exchanged and wishes to visit each other again were expressed. I am deeply thankful for gifts of friends like Mounir and Pedro. :)

Adam, me, Pedro, Nikki , and Mounir chillin on our last night there. :(

Liz and I toasting to her first taste of fresh sardines. yummmm!



i also must mention other Spanish friends who helped to make my experience in Spain wonderful. The hostess with the mostest who went above and beyond to take care of our group was miss Marisol and my friend Salvador, who toured with us, had fun with us, and took my friends and i for a fabulous bike ride around Parque Retiro en madrid on my birthday (one of the highlights of my trip!). my new friend Claudio is another person i am thankful i met. we practiced spanish/english together and he wasnt easy on me when it came to practicing. i got so agrivated at times b/c he made me talk in spanish... but now im thankful for it :) although i enjoyed the city and the beautiful country of spain, it was the people whom i lived and journeyed with that made me love spain. again, i am extremely thankful for this. :)

Beautiful Marisol and mi profesor Oscar Cabrera.

Mi amigo Claudio y yo enjoying a refreshing pineapple juice! :)

lastly, but certainly, not least, my school (studies and classmates) were the driving force within my trip. they were a source of inspiration, encouragement that was found in class and through studying, a source of challenge, as we are all from such different worldviews, and kinship, and we traveled, struggled to speak the language, experienced museums and met new people together. i've loved getting to know everyone, especially my professors, senor cabrera and senor powell, a little bit better. each person is different in their own way, each has something different to contribute, and each has a thumbprint on my life that i am so thankful for.

Most of our group over at our apartment for my birthday :)