school bus and trash trucks

So like every other American, this morning I found myself carried away in the worries and cares of a day unspent and enroute to my duties. Naturally, I left my house later than I had wanted, traffic was heavier than I expected, and I realized that I left my notes at home, that I needed to study, for a test I was taking in an hour. And then it happened.

Ten car back up. why? because of a large trash truck littered with men scrambling around it. perfect. to be expected, sure. but then a school zone... and lovely! stuck behind a schoolbus!

I'm sure you or someone you know has been in my situation. Where you start getting frustrated and feeling animosity for people you dont know, who are simply doing their job, b/c it conflicts with where you're going and when u want to get there.

I think it hit me when I was trackin behind the yellow roller itself. The continuation. the second verse. the echo. the call. to stop. simplify. why am in such a hurry? stop. enjoy this moment. its a gift. be patient. "but you dont know what i have to hurry to get to." it whispers, 'i do. it will still be there. but i have given you this moment. relax, and be still with me.'

so often i look ahead at the next step, the next ambition, the next level. and everytime i'm told to stop and sit down, i grow impatient, looking for an alternative. perfect example: when i was following the bus and being stirred in my heart with a sweet message, i was simultaneously looking down streets and alley ways to try and get around and away from this stupid bus! even when i knew the road i was suppose to be on, i was selfishly still looking around for an alternative. how fickle we creatures are.

i think God sends buses and trash trucks into our lives to stop us. on purpose. without apology. because we need it. we need the reminder to stop. to look at Him. to look around, at each other. to realize that life is not about us or our lives or our agendas. we need to stop and reflect, be thankful, and give back. love. we won't if we're too busy, too life-conjested, and too stuck looking at ourselves in the mirror.

thank God for school buses and trash trucks.

a new thought

The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak. ~Hans Hofmann, Introduction to the Bootstrap, 1993

Sometimes in life, we're hit with simple messages that keep standing out to us; as if God means to put a red "will dissolve when u finally get it" stamp on our foreheads and back of our hands. In the past year my stamp is beginning to slightly fade so that the lower cased, italicized "simplify" is finally starting to sink in.

I was out to breakfast with an awesome friend this morning. We planned to meet at her house, and as I awkwardly peeked into her window to see if I had the right house, I concluded that her and her hubby were 1. either really clean or 2. I had the wrong house b/c it looked abandoned :) Actually, it was really clean and the epitame of what a house with beautifully simple ensemble can have.

Esther and I have had talks at nauseum about simplifying life. Cleaning and purging. Stopping and sitting. Saying no and relaxing. She's been such an inspiration to me. Ens too. I thank God so much for them. My over analytical mind cannot understand such simple concepts. My addiction to stress and "doing" has been assaulted by this imposter of simplicity, and its beautifully freeing. Even walking around grocery stores packed with uber-choices, viewing multitudes of excercise techniques, and falling victim to overstimulation in our consumer-driven culture, my spirit has been drawn to let everything fall and hold the simple, the basic, the necessary, and find rest leaving everything else behind. simply let it fall.

hm.

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds... "

-Albert Einstein

go and sin no more...

my heart is wrestling with this phrase this morning...

in the story of John 8:1-11, Jesus dispels a group of religious leaders when they bring a woman caught in the act of adultery before him. we looked at this story as a church. there are so many perspectives we can glean from; the woman, the pharisees, the crowd, Jesus. this woman was caught in the midst of her sin. in the middle of her wrong doing, she was exposed for her sin against God, not her sin against any man or person.

i have many friends who live with their boyfriends. who have sex with their boyfriends. they commit sin everyday because they're not married and under Biblical Law, they are committing sexual sin. yet, in my own life, i've never once had sex and, granted, have struggled with this desire on my heart for over 10 years. in a moment of honesty, i confess that i have given into deep desires and lust over various guys over the years. sometimes its easy to not give in, and other times its debilitating not to. but heres the part that's hard to swallow... my lusting after each of them has placed me in bed with each of them, in God's eyes (Matt 5:28). in that sense, i might as well have slept with them physically. (man, now u tell me! jk) its all the same. Since my sin-offense is to God and no one else, i not only am i as literally guilty as all of my friends for all of the sin, but WORSE. i know (not just knowledge, but in conviction and revelation of the true and living God) the truth, and still i choose my sin. ouch.

so before the world goes on judging them, including myself, my God, how much worse off am i over them!

my heart breaks at my sin and my seeming inability to stop it. at times like today, i feel powerless and wrestle with phrases like "go and sin no more." can jesus really expect us to sin no more? isnt that impossible? what did he mean by that?

what happens after the story? i believe Jesus knew the woman and in turn, forgave her. what was the rest of her life like? how did she struggle? did she really sin no more? how did Jesus, God, approach her later?

if Jesus is the lamb sacrifice of all the world, can he really forgive all our sin, even those of us who know the truth and rebel against it? the obvious, biblical, answer is yes, but with your guilt glaring you in the face, its impossible to understand why...