in bloom

i think its funny sometimes how such simple things can bring people so much joy. for some, it can be a cup of coffee someone bought them and brought to work, or that song on the radio that you've been dying to hear but they never play.

for me, i actually find so much joy in the guest appearance of a certain plant around this time of year. i've always had an appreciation for the vast population of the O2 friendly bunch, but no plant has ever brought me joy the way that the dogwood tree has every year. i dont believe i've ever shared this with anyone, i think i truly realized it last year. they just make me so happy. in a way no plant ever has. ha :) pardon my childlike wonder at this discovery, but i've found it so hard to find real joy in the past few years. i'm thankful the gift of beautiful dogwoods to delight my soul!

enjoy!

eat, drink, and... rock out?!

so i know i like to tread in deep waters. (verbally, that is, i can't physically :P) but today i thought it'd be nice to leave the deep pools and splash in the kiddie section. that's where new and old friends, rock band, mmr, and a whole lotta musica come into the pic.

last night was a mix of rockin out at home and rockin out on the dance floor at the notorious Montana West. its the closest thing we have to a club in these parts and i hear so many stories from bikers and boozers to tearin up the dance floor and family line dances. nonetheless, i had the joy of hangin out with new friends and my faithful few while beltin out to the Killers in the comfort of my own home, and then hangin out with my love, my sis, and tryin to moonwalk across the floor which felt like a mix of gritty sandpaper and laffy taffy. ha!

here's some pics. i love these guys!

ens and kyle rockin out

brooke and esther up to no good ;)

new friends liz and amanda sharin more than a feeling...

kyle's first super sweet pimpin outfit :)

los tres = 1.5 asians

group hug

i have no idea...

ens and aarika

"when i was young, i totally wanted to be race jockey..."

the enses cuttin it up on the d. floor

good times. :)

the green eyed... God?

I awoke this morning pondering thoughts on jealousy. Due to some recent events in my life, I have to confess that I've had to face the green-eyed creature more times than I'd anticipated. I've never struggled with jealousy before and am learning the value of honest, open, and persistent communication. But this got me thinking about the bugger, and if it can be both a good thing and/or a bad thing.

Jealousy is typically defined as a "jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself."

According to Wikipedia (the end-all and know-all :) ), it comes from the French word jalousie, formed from jaloux (jealous), and further from Low Latin zelosus (full of zeal), and from the Greek word for "ardour, zeal". It also states that jealousy is difficult to define and is best described through circumstances which cause a concoction of complex emotions. Among these, two similar traits are found, apparently: possessiveness and fear of loss. (It's actually a quite interesting read.)

Even Solomon, whom knew all about jealousy in his harems, said that "A tranquil heart is the life of the flesh; but envy is the rotteness of the bones" and "Jealousy is cruel as the grave"

(Prov. 14:30 & SoS 8:6)

Herbert Lockyer said "it can transform a noble into a monster, and is no respector of persons. Yet this is the word God takes to Himself as a name - Jehovah, whose name is Jealous." (Ex 34:14) This particuliar name/title is used at least 6 or 7 other times in the Bible. So what does it mean? What's the difference?

Accordin to H. Lockyer, it does not bear the evil meaning, but rather, a righteous "zeal", Jehovah's zeal for His own name or glory. It lives in truth, purity, justice, righteousness, and holiness. It would make sense for God to be zealous of such a thing "lest the darkness should invade His light, or dim the glory and joy of His children." God is not insecure or fearful.

Rather, "His name is Jealous, because He is concerned for His redeemed people lest they forfeit glory and peace through forsaking Him." He's jealous for the sake of the ones He loves; that they would miss out on something amazing.

I believe that kind of jealousy is good and healthy. Based in extravagent love for another or oneself, and purified by God's righteousness.

Wisdom is key. Confession, repentence, and forgivenss is key.

May we look more like Him each day.

starve the dog

Now before all you dog lovers out there are ready to lynch me, hear me out...

I took a trip to Va to visit Lou and Tab a couple of weeks ago (mentioned in an earlier post). While I was gone, Jesus and I had some sweet talks about life. Amidst all our put togetherness we emulate in our society, there always drifts a current beneath the surface in each one of us. It's the darker less glamourous side of us that we'd rather not admit exists, and yet the irony is that we're all so common in our struggles that we might actually surprise each other.

While I'm aware that my own parents might be reading this blog, I'm still going to venture out and talk about lust. It's something that we all struggle with, whether it be sexual, pining after things or possessions, or wanting something or someone you are not intended to have. It has ruined many men, women, nations, relationships, lives, and the like. And yet, we still have a love/hate relationship with the thing and let it seed deeply into our selves and our lives.

I was recently awakened to the conviction that the germation of this lustful seed will actually be prohibitory and stunting in my ability to truly enjoy a healthy relationship with a boy of my liking and choosing. Instead of living in joy, freedom, and peace simply being with him, I would find myself enduring an internal spiritual battle of flesh-vs-spirit.

Paul, in Galatians 6: 16-17 talks about it like this...

"So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won't be doing what your sinful nature craves. The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions."

Six summers ago I had to priviledge of leading two large groups of teens to Mexico for a week each. Both amazing, life changing trips for them and me; I'll never forget what my friend Kevin shared one evening atop a hill in Monterrey, Mexico. He said that these two parts of you fighting are like two dogs being trained for a dog fight. Whichever one you feed, you nuture, you train, you attend to, that's the dog that's gonna win. If you ignore, neglect, and starve one of the dogs, for certain, that one will lose. Miserably. Am I feeding the dog of my Spirit or the dog of my flesh?

"Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there." vs 24

I need to starve the dog of my flesh.

Why? Because "anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God. And the Spirit will not guide your lives." vs 16 & 21

it's about time!

So what do you get after going to to 3 years of community college while working and trying to figure out what to do with your life?? well... a transcript with a butt load of classes!

Luckily for me, those classes landed me a spot in Montgomery County CC's Nursing Program, one of the top nursing schools in the area. Very competitive. Very challenging. Very exciting.

A while ago I mentioned that Nursing was in fact my plan B, that my heart beats truly for ministry, loving people, and the arts. I can honestly say that this fact still rings true in my heart, but that God in His grace gives us the love and desires for the things he originally fit us for and calls us to do. Therefore, I'm pretty stoked to be a nurse!

I was giddy at orientation last Friday, and as long as my criminal record and drug check come out clear (cross the fingers!!!), I should be flyin in clear skies.

So cheers to scrubs, hemostats, stethoscopes, meds, patients, hospitals, labs, needles!, and a chance to make a difference in this world!

the real family

i'm not sure if its because i was raised in america, or because i was indoctrinated by television, or because all i seemed to find around me at times were the models of americana. mom. dad. 2.5 kids. dog. 2 cars. etc. i'm sure that makes up a great population of the world. our family comes close to it. mom. dad. 3 kids. two cats.

but as our lenses shift from looking at our lives through modernized, western-civilized eyes, to the questionable, yet clearer scope of celestial kingdom eyes, we're given the chance to see things differently. we find ourselves in the midst of such a broken world where people are ripping the honors given to them, rejecting the gifts bestowed to them, and caving in to demon fears that taunt and paralyze them. unfortunately this leads to broken songs, ruined masterpieces, and spoiled desserts that could've sounded so sweet, entranced the eye, or tantalized the taste buds. these spoils come in the form of broken relationships and broken families. fatherless children. but also the potential for something greater to write new songs, create new masterpieces, and fresh desserts.

this past weekend i spent time in Va with some of the coolest people on the planet. seriously. they've known me since i was 18, truly known me, and that's a big deal. they're my tribe. my family. my fellow journeyers. and i'm so blessed to know them. what i love the most about them is that they comprise of beautiful pieces from an interrupted song, placed lovingly together in a new one- and it rocks! Lou was raised by his grandparents in Mississippi when his parents were in no form to do so. Nok was orphaned for 5 years before God united him with his true family, an ocean away. And with Tabitha melodically placed, a new song was written in light of God's dream of what a family is. is family comprised of blood or a common love? racial lines or basic humanity? social status or kindness in the eyes?

yay for a God who makes beauty from ashes and a triple layer chocolate decadent cake from a few chocolate chips. and yay to the families who can enjoy the cake, a bite at a time.