an unveiling, entry 1

so as im tempted to begin at the very beginning of my life, perhaps i'll throw a wrench in the expected predictablities. Right now, i am single. i have always been single, except for a stint in 9th grade that lasted for a whole month and a half with 11th grade chris o'brien. sweet guy, but short lived. i can honestly say that i've counted the number of dates that i've been on with both of my hands. i've never had sex. never made out with a guy. and never even really kissed a guy. (other than a hit-and-run that lasted for .3 secs on news years eve that covered about half of my mouth between two very awkward teenagers.) i've never really understood guys. i always got along better with girls. girls were easier to understand. boys just arent. for my perpetual analyzing mind, much to my dismay at times, i could never just "not think" like guys do. (sorry guys :) so it comes as no surprise that i never really dated or the like. oh, i had crushes. loads of them! who doesnt? that cute boy that all the girls like. that rebel guy that you know is so bad for you but he's just... yummy :) but unfortunately, it never seemed to work out, and in the 9th grade i made an ambitious goal to wait for my future husband, believing that God would send the right boy to me at the right time.

some things have changed dramatically in the past ten years... hairstyles, weight, even thoughts on love. but one thing hasnt. i'm still currently waiting for the guy that i know my loving God has for me. some people wonder how i can put so much trust on something i cant see, touch, talk to, or that would deprive me of such "immense pleasure." but i can. because i can see Him, touch Him, talk to Him, and live in His realm of pleasure and not regret. he's never disappointed me, unlike most people that i know. so, im sticking with Him.

i will say that its been an extremely difficult road to walk on. probably the greatest thing that ive struggled with all my life. whether influenced by this american culture or not, i've wanted to be married since i was 18. im 25 now and i regret nothing. would change nothing. and dont expect to be married anytime soon. and im ok with that. today at least. and thats all im given. there have been moments when the ache has hurt like hell (pardon the french). and moments where i could have given in and up to certain guys. moments when i wanted to, so badly, but grit my teeth and chose out of my will to say no... to stay faithful to Him and to my future him.

many girls say they respect me. they couldnt do it. they dont know how i do it. but i've only been able to do it with the help of Him. He's helped to keep me faithful. no matter how many times i came close to screwing up physically, and did screw up emotionally, mentally and spiritually. He still loved me. still loves me. and wont give up.

thats how i do it. so through all the crushes and heartache, all the glories of being free, i sit here at 25, single, and loving it? sure. today at least.

a new month.

so what began as a link to over-water communication with loved ones is continuing on as a record, a thought, a collection of intentional ramblings to catelog the comings and goings of my life. if for no one else, i'm excited to have something to remember my life by, learn by, and hope for in the future.

i've decided to start a series, although im not quite sure how exactly it will transpire. it was inspired by a simple, friendly invitation that was made whilst hanging out with some very cool people on a wednesday night. one posed the question, "so what's your story?" "who are you now, where did you come from, and what made you to be who you are today?" those are some pretty hefty questions, but i thought i'd tackle them a piece at a time, a memory at time. a journal entry at a time. so much has gone into shaping us as individuals, i bet it would take a lifetime to fully hear each story. so here's mine. if u care to know it...

11:14 pm

the curse of a nightly routine is that you usually perform it just before going to bed. i'm puzzled at this ritual, because one inevitably splashes water on their face, be it warm water, sure, and eventually finds themselves awake and typing away on a computer to try and ease them into dreamland. in the meantime, a few thoughts shared never harmed anyone too badly, i hope... :)

i have nothing profound to share except the realization of late that change really does happen. you know how often you pray that you'll be different than you are and you are tempted to worry that you will be the same person tomorrow that you were today, and yesterday. maybe you dont. maybe you just like going through life a day at a time and dont think too hard about the past or future. but in my case, ive realized how much ive changed over the past few years, and especially in the past few months. since my return from europe and my return to school, ive notice a calm, eerie peace about me. i know a lot of it has to do with the God i serve, but consequently, ive never done life like this... without worry, or the drive to constantly be doing something seemingly worthwhile to give my life a "reason" or purpose. esther and i were talking about an irish friend of hers who's visiting america and taking it by storm. he mentioned that a difference between irish folk and americans is that, appearently, americans need a reason to do something, whereas irish people dont. when i ask "well, why are u doing that?" he responds with "well, why not?" i cant emphasize that enough about my love for traveling. cultures are so different, its incredible what they can learn from each other. i'm thankful ive gotten to travel as much as i have, and i think im a bit wiser for it.

if there is anyone out there whos never spoken and learned the history and life story of a person not from this country, i encourage you to do so. we're all the same, really. we need each others stories to get a glimpse of whats real in this world.

im thankful for my story. all the muck. the profound. the simplistic. all of it. i hope u are too.

a moment to myself

what is it about the late quiet of night and the early morning semi-conscious haze that ushers us into a place of honesty, uncensored thought and raw, often rude, awakenings about ourselves, our minds, and our hearts? in the place of quiet, of dark, of privacy, and safety found in the middle of the shadowed night lives the fertile sod that houses all our thoughts, righteous and wicked; our dreams, sensible and insane; our fears, ungodly and demobilizing; and our expectations, justifiable and erroneous. and when the morning sunlight breaks the calm ambiance and stirs our sensations, we awaken, in a groggy and disoriented state, only to be greeted by the unbridled thoughts, emotions, and physical appearance of our who we were yesterday and who we thought we'd be today. i am a workaholic. i can use the dictionary to define what i am, but i can only truly define the word in the only way i know how to do life.

work–noun

1. exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something; labor; toil.
2. something on which exertion or labor is expended; a task or undertaking: The students finished their work in class.
3. productive or operative activity.
4. employment, as in some form of industry, esp. as a means of earning one's livelihood: to look for work.
5. one's place of employment: Don't phone him at work.
6. materials, things, etc., on which one is working or is to work.
7. the result of exertion, labor, or activity; a deed or performance.
8. a product of exertion, labor, or activity: musical works.

it continues to definition #54, @ dictionary.com

—Synonyms 1. Work, drudgery, labor, toil refer to exertion of body or mind in performing or accomplishing something. Work is the general word and may apply to exertion that is either easy or hard: fun work; heavy work. Drudgery suggests continuous, dreary, and dispiriting work, esp. of a menial or servile kind: the drudgery of household tasks. Labor particularly denotes hard manual work: labor on a farm, in a steel mill. Toil suggests wearying or exhausting labor: toil that breaks down the worker's health. 2. enterprise, project, job, responsibility. 3. industry, occupation, business. 4. job, trade, calling, vocation, profession. 7. product, achievement, feat. 16. toil, drudge. 28. operate, manipulate, handle. 29. accomplish, effect, produce, achieve. 34. finish, form, shape. 37. move.
—Antonyms 1. play, rest.

-work·a·hol·ic- a person who works compulsively at the expense of other pursuits.
[Origin: 1965–70; work + -aholic] work·a·hol·ic

-work·a·hol·ic- n. One who has a compulsive and unrelenting need to work. work'a·hol'ism

pardon my partial nerdism, but i've come to realize that when dismaddening clarity finds its way into my life, the fog of subjectivity is lifted, truth is defined, no matter who ugly and undeniable it is, and i can begin to find rest for my soul. i faced all these sensations this morning when i awoke to a day full of possibilities, empty of any responsibilities, in beautifully peaked health, surrounded by five warm living breathing souls that utterly love me, and fought for a time to be reminded of something that brought me joy, utter joy. ashamed that i could be totally blessed around me, yet not find joy in anything, i began this entry in search of answers.

unfortunately and fortunately, i've discovered nothing new. only my exhortation, divine exhortation, to live in the antonym... to play and rest. i struggle to do that here. i tasted this in ireland, and long in my heart to return to taste it again.

my time in spain was bittersweet. my time in ireland was nothing but sweet.

i long to learn from all three of these cultures: spain, ireland, and america... but even bigger, i long to find the kingdom of heaven in all of these cultures. that is the only place where i truly belong, truly rest, and truly live the way i dream and was intended to...

a few pics of the beautiful people of the green isle...

mark, me and laura toastin ta wine and a pint!

sam, sean, abbi, benji, robin, john, ger, rach, and meri :)

the emerald isle :)

a day at six flags

so i realize i still have to post about ireland, but until then, life goes on, including trips to six flags with esther, brad and my bro, ens. picture gorgeous weather, a half empty fun filled amusement park, and a flash pass that gives a 15 min wait (at most!) for each roller coaster. it felt so wrong to board a roller coaster whilst others waited hours... at first :) 10 roller coaster rides in 2 hours... a new record! :D After visiting old faithful rides like batman and medusa, i do have to say that El Toro (surprise, sopresa) and Nitro were my fav. I was enchanted as i walked through the makeshift amusement spanish sector of this grandeous park, blastin spanish guitars and lyrics over the loud speaker and seeing posters of flamenco dancers and toros (bulls). oh, how i missed my spain :)

esther and i getting snuggly with taz.

brad and ens being very forward with petunia... watch out porky!!

yes ladies, that's my studly brother (aka batman) with his old car he just donated...

esther (out of the pic?!) and i about to lose it on El Torrrrrooooo.....

are they happy? are they havin a good time??? aparently not brad... ;P

gotta have the $25 cotton candy!!

brad makin a move on wonder woman while esther feels the power. ens has his loyal sidekick by his side ready to kick crimefighting...

ohh i love the nightlights... we like to boogie... on the coaster so hhhiiiggghhhh.....

On the other side...

So apparently more people have been reading my blog than I thought :) Its a wonderful realization, and its been quite a few weeks since my last post. like many other people who have blogs, i found myself at a loss of what to say... when you experience so many new things everyday for a weeks straight, its hard to filter not only which treasures to share, but how to adequately share them so that your reader may get the closest resemblance to your experience- how it tastes, it smells, how you feel, and what thoughts raced through your mind at the moment. it can be a very daunting task, therefore, i found myself simply taking it all in in the moment, only to share with you all, in hind sight, the new, the beautiful, and the ugly.

Feeling the rhythm of spain in a flamenco dance class!

Kissing a crawfish as I get a taste of Spanish paella.

Enjoying the scents of Espana w/its beautiful magnolia blossoms.

my ending time in madrid, spain was a very bittersweet time. like most people who dont normally live together, or those that do ;), the bitter came in appearances of readiness on all my roomates part to return home and go our separate "living" ways. i couldnt have asked for greater roomates during this month abroad, we've done and experienced so much together. we were each others family while we were gone and God really blessed me with caring, respecting, and funny new friends :) in the end, though, it was time for us to return to our own homes and rest properly :)

Cheering my 25th birthday with champange filled chocolates! :)

Adam and Jason embarking on a paella-eating feast. Paella is a common spanish dish similar to our jumbelia (sp?). Rice, seafood, spices. Muy delicioso!



i also found myself joining fellow classmates at our favorite restaurant/bar called El Santo. a nice cozy sized bar, this place was not only classy and beautifully decorated with the celebrated theme of "Los Torros", including pictures and articles of bull fighters and the like, but it also hosted some of the most memorible people of my entire month in spain. Mounir and Pedro worked as a bartender and owner of El Santo and fell in love with our group as we fell in love with them. We shared drinks together, laughs, talks, smiles, and love as we rested there with them throughout the weeks after class. Mouni made a mean "tinto verano" (summer wine) and it proved to be the most refreshing drink of the summer of '07 for this chica. ;) They commented on the friendliness and sweetness of our group, and that us coming in to visit them was a treat. It was a treat for us indeed, to find a home and some friends in a foreign land where we are so far away. Gifts from the heart were exchanged and wishes to visit each other again were expressed. I am deeply thankful for gifts of friends like Mounir and Pedro. :)

Adam, me, Pedro, Nikki , and Mounir chillin on our last night there. :(

Liz and I toasting to her first taste of fresh sardines. yummmm!



i also must mention other Spanish friends who helped to make my experience in Spain wonderful. The hostess with the mostest who went above and beyond to take care of our group was miss Marisol and my friend Salvador, who toured with us, had fun with us, and took my friends and i for a fabulous bike ride around Parque Retiro en madrid on my birthday (one of the highlights of my trip!). my new friend Claudio is another person i am thankful i met. we practiced spanish/english together and he wasnt easy on me when it came to practicing. i got so agrivated at times b/c he made me talk in spanish... but now im thankful for it :) although i enjoyed the city and the beautiful country of spain, it was the people whom i lived and journeyed with that made me love spain. again, i am extremely thankful for this. :)

Beautiful Marisol and mi profesor Oscar Cabrera.

Mi amigo Claudio y yo enjoying a refreshing pineapple juice! :)

lastly, but certainly, not least, my school (studies and classmates) were the driving force within my trip. they were a source of inspiration, encouragement that was found in class and through studying, a source of challenge, as we are all from such different worldviews, and kinship, and we traveled, struggled to speak the language, experienced museums and met new people together. i've loved getting to know everyone, especially my professors, senor cabrera and senor powell, a little bit better. each person is different in their own way, each has something different to contribute, and each has a thumbprint on my life that i am so thankful for.

Most of our group over at our apartment for my birthday :)

barcelona...

so i came home from a weekend in barcelona with my roomies last night. like almost every experience here, all times are characteristically bittersweet. sweetness was found in time shared laying on the only beach i will see here in spain for two days... basking in the sun, eating scrumptous seafood at beautiful outdoor cafes/restaruants, and splashing in the Mediteranean Sea with friends and strangers. since this is europe, many of the women were topless and it was interesting to observe reactions of americanos in this atmosphere. hey, its europe! :)

some of the bitterness fell in the face that my roomate injured herself on the stairs and unfortunately had to hobble around with an overly burned shin :( another girl´s purse got stolen and my two guy friends had mad ticket complications on the way back leaving them no seat and the thought of them not being able to travel with us. after some prayer, God graciously intervened and even to the point where one spent the ride up front in first class!

this morning i was journaling about how i only had four days left here in spain. its crazy how time flies and although i've loved being here, i've also missed very much being around people who know me. i love the diversity of people in this country and place, as well as my group... but ultimately i miss those people who i can enjoy life with and who understand me. i find this interesting, b/c it tells me that no matter where i rest my head, whether in spain, or costa rica, or china, or pennsylvania, the one thing i crave the most is being known, enjoyed and sharing that with people close to me in the long term. ive thought about doing a language school here after nursing school, and i could... but not now... not yet. the weather, the atmosphere here in europe is enchanting. the cafes. the cathedrals. the nightlife. its beautiful. but its missing the people i love and that love me. i never had such thoughts on previous trips. its a nice new discovery :)

i desire to put up more pics of my trip when i get home, july 11th. until then, hasta pronto.

-cher

my saving grace

so in a country where less than 1% of the entire population is of the same faith as me (including my group here), i find it frustrating at times to live authentically, coming from such a different world view and belief core. entonces, my first sunday here in spain, through a devotional at a church i attended (all in spanish), God gave me these verses to carry me through my time here. they have been the oasis and guiding light through such a diverse and often disconerning time...

"since God chose you to be the holy people whom he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. you must make allowance for each other´s faults and fogive the perseon who offends you. remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. and the most important piece of clothing yhou must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. for as members of one body you are called to live in peace. and always be thankful.

let the words of Christ, in all their richness, live in your hearts and make you wise. us his words to teach and counsel each other. sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God w-thankful hearts. and whatever you do or say, let it be as a representative of the Lord Jesus, all the while giving thanks through him to God the Father."

-col 3 : 12-17

all things spanish

so here in spain, we find all kinds of fun things that emulate the spanish culture. besides the obvious flooding of español, the language, being fired at rapid speed, we also find quite endearing things like an unhealthy obsession with our fattened friend, the pig, olives out the cabeza, and flamenco-twirling, torro-calling extravagenzas. spain is very much known for its bullfights, which depending on who you talk to can be exciting or a travesty, and its flamenco dancing and costumes. of course, ive gonna crazy over the beauty of such disciplined dancing and even rocked the casbomb at our flamenco dance class! (i´ll work on gettin video and pics up l8r) this past weekend if i found myself bussing all over the south of spain with my class visiting the gorgeous cities of Toledo, Granda, and Sevilla. picture perfect weather. overwhelmingly gorgeous art and architecture. picture exotic people, street performers and great food. but please, try not to be jealous. :) well, just try. :)

much of the architecture here in spain is a combination of muslim and christian influence, speaking deeply of spains history. as a christian, this has been so interesting to me. too interesting to write about in a 5 min blog update :) the countryside is LITERALLY covered with acres upon acres upon acres of olive trees, with occassional sunflower fields. everywhere. in every part of spain. its very beautiful and the large mountains provide for scenic beautiful over large stretches of bus rides. we returned to madrid being overrun by people pouring into the streets celebrating madrid winning their futbol championship, unleashing the celeberatory madness with. :) if you think eagles fans go nuts, philly´s got nothing on madrid.

entonces, my 20 mins on the school comp is up... hasta pronto, amigos.

And we're back...

So apparently internet usage concerning all things blog-friendly are not as accessable as I orginally thought. Experiencing desires of sharing stories, pictures, and revelations her came harder than i had hoped. But, two weeks into my trip, I hope to offer you some pictures and tidbits here and there (much like the following food: tapas). I've come to accept and like the Spanish way of handling meals here. They enjoy "tapas" with their drinks at various times of the day. Orginially tapas were served on plates ontop of drinks a sort of snack or h'or d'veure, ranging from potatoes, to bread and cheese to pork everything! (spaniards go nuts over pig products- chicken is very hard to find!) they usually have it with beer, wine, sangria, or sodas and act as a snack or many can fit for a meal. Dinner is not even thought about until about 9pm here and its normal to go to bed around 2 or 3 in the morning. Being the morning girl that I am, this had been quite a change. but, when in Spain... :)

my trip thus far has been broken up into two phases (due to lack of time, out goes grammer :) four days in Caceras with Betsy Stolzfus and two weeks in Madrid. Caceres greeted me with new friends, lots of rapid spanish, and a place to rest and acquaint myself with the culture. Betsy was an answer to a prayer of my herat that I hadn't even uttered. Her friendship and hospitality acclimated me to a culture very foreign to me and helped me rest some fears, curiosities, and simply... rest. One highlight from my time there was hanging out at the Feria with new friends- Jose and his family, and betsy's friends from work/church. Dancing the night way at these European casetas and trying new foods like charros (like funnelcake) was so exciting and fun. the dance/bar places there were different to me than the US, the only way i can explain it is that the mentality is different here... People of all ages just come out to have a good time and dance, not to hook up, get drunk, or whatever :)

Class starts momentarily, but I wanted to share some pictures with you...

eating charros with Jose and his family at La Feria (the Fair)

chillin w/my roomate nikki and friend rachel outside a castle in Segovia, spain

my roomies nikki, jason, me, and adam :)

view from my bedroom window :)

the green isle

I fell in love with Ireland the moment I flew into it. well... not literally... :) I don't think I've experienced such love and hospitality as I have in the presence of some special people, the Bailies and the Hunsdales. Their selfless love, with tea and biscuits, is just what this chica had needed.

E.M. 5/26/07 (email message)

When I havent been using my mad translation skills to decode milkshake thick Irish accents, I´ve been spending my time so far doing nothing but... nothing :) I think this is first break I´ve had in months. It´s so great. I toured a beautiful castle in Belfast, crashing illegally into a wedding (w/my friend´s dad whos a pastor!), drank LOTS of tea and coffee, ate way too much chocolate and toast, and jammed w/some friends in an old manor that is gorgeous and has its own lake! my fingers hurt b/c I had no callouses... it was so sweet.

Belfast Castle w/the wedding inside - Surprise! Rain!, My gorgeous friend Laura en route to Drewstown

Bethany Bailie y Yo at Drewstown, A couple of lads we found wanderin' wit their guitars :)

E.M. 5/26/07 (email message)

So i was at the dublin airport trying to board the plane for madrid. my checkin was 10 kilo over and the attendant told me i would have to pay an 80 euro charge. i asked if i could transfer some things into my carry-on instead. the guy nodded as he waved me off and checked in the next passenger. still, 7 kilo over. the guy was cordial, but none too happy. i knew the whiskey and guiness i bought were heavy so i asked the guy if he drank guiness. a huge smile broke over his face and he exclaimed yeah! so i broke out two nice sized bottles of guiness and gave it to him explaining it was simply too heavy. as i tried to take out more, the attendant next to him was shouting something about a bottle for 'im! unable to sift anymore, i was ready to bite the bullet when the now elated attendant said that i was ok and let me go. lesson learned: guiness talks :) he was really sweet then and showed me where to go and such, and i was off on my way!

new things

It is not uncommon for me to travel to a new or exotic place. I am hardly new to the task and tend to have a pretty confident attitude regarding the whole affair. This presupposition is why I was shocked to discover a week full unwelcomed and uninvited anxiety, regarding all things new.

In the most random of places, including at airport security (at a few airports), ordering a sandwich at a cafe in Belfast, and riding in a car with a new missionary friend who would host me for the night, I found myself bombarded with anxiety, fear, and loneliness. I found this strange b/c I have done this traveling thing before... but like all things new, I think all of us can relate to the fear of the unknown, the insecurity in our capabilites to handle it, and perhaps the relief of looking back in hind's sight at what we may attribute to our own strength in handling a situation, or in my case, relying solely on the strength of something greater to see me through.

J.E. 5.29.07 (journal entry)

Bravery

Some people, when they look at me, claim that I am a brave person. Dos cosas (two things):

Uno: No. They are mistaken. I am not brave. At heart, I'm just a scared little girl traveling to familiar and unfamiliar places solely trusting that something bigger than me is watching over and taking care of me.

Dos: Si. I am brave. I am when you define bravery as not the absence of fear, but the perserverance through it.


I got onto the airplane in Newark, NJ needing a month and a half away. I felt like a damp cloth that had been wrung out very tightly, extracting all the water and all that's left was a twisted and crinkled piece of fabric. I need this time. I need re-evaluate my life. I need to spend more time with the One I love the most. I need to wrestle with questions in my heart. Despite all the hard stuff, I want this time. I'm thankful I have it. And I'm thankful I have such wonderful people to travel through it with.

about time...

At the request of a few and the recent necessity of convience, I've decided to try a blog to chronicle my comings and goings here in Espana y Ireland. I've never done a blog before nor have I any particular idea of what I am doing. :) Entonces, if this online service can offer an opportunity to remain in contact with loved ones over large masses of agua, and can act as a 'journal of sorts' as I share stories, pictures and enlightenments, then... why not?

The title of my blog was gathered at the memory of my last sunday in America before I left. I found myself in a house with friends, relaxing and communing together over a glass of wine and cheese. Therefore, in its spanish embodiment, "Queso y Vino Conmigo" is an invitation. It's an invitation to come a have some cheese and wine with me; as we look together at the world, life, love and everything in between.

Bienvendios.