Joural entry 2-15-10

"Tranquilo. Calm down. That’s three times in the past 3 days that someone’s told me to calm down. Relax. It’s the American in me. It’s the control freak in me when I feel like things are out of my control. Or like tonight when I feel like I have to explain why the computer takes 3-4 mins to boot up and feel the need to apologize for it.

I’m apologizing according to my instant-access worldview where everything is constantly available at my fingertips, and how dare it not be? “Tico time” is a phrase often used here. Costa Rican time. Latino time. It’s a novelty and enjoyable the first few weeks when you feel you’re in vacation mode. Then week three kicks in and the novelty fades to an alternate way of life, which tends to clash with the American in me. Dinner? When its ready. Plans? Not really. Stuff to be done? Sure. Always. By when? Not sure. Can’t drive? No car? Walk. Take the bus with everyone else. See your neighbors there.

No problem. Don’t worry. No army. (Since 1948) They’re a people of peace. Of friendship. They’re Tolkein’s “Hobbits” of the Latin culture. (With the Irish being that of the European culture.) Don’t stress.

But what if I want to stress? What if I want to constantly be doing something? To feel good about my existence here on this planet? To feel like I have something to show for it? Why can’t I just be?

My name is Cher, and I’m addicted to stress. Being here is like going through detox. Incredibly tranquil surroundings give way to rest, recoup, and recharge. And somehow I find some way to fight even this.

So many things are out of my control. I have no phone, no car, no control over how quickly I learn this language or how others feel about me. But what do I have? A heart that loves, people who are beyond gracious, a culture that embraces me, a smile, a hug, a kiss, a smart brain, a God who moves, saves, and hears. Amigos. Compañeros. A purpose. To love and be loved. To rest and offer rest. To serve and be served. To grow and encourage growth in others.

I have the Spirit of Peace to place my trust in. All I need to do is ask.

“…Peace be with you…” from Jesus to his disciples when they had many fears. Jn 20:19

This is a wonderful place with wonderful people. I appreciate so much how it’s challenging me and growing me into the woman God dreams me to be.



He knows where the path will go. He is faithful to meet you there.

“The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever…”
“El Señor cumplirá en mí su propósito. Tu gran amor, Señor, perdura para siempre…”

-Psalms/Salmos 138:8



The river of God is always here, with us. We may not where it comes from or where it goes, but it is always with us, always changing, and yet always the same. Strong and loud at times, and yet still and quiet at others.

little girl.

Last night as I lay warmly, tucked and mindful of one of the last nights I'd partner with my electric blanket, I couldn't help but desperately try to follow all the avenues my brain decided to trek, and take detours, then stop, and go again. End of day processing, and attempts to fall asleep, can be some what of a chore at times. Disciplines of meditation, deep breathing, relaxation techniques and prayer are all things that I've found helpful for those of who find yourself in similar spots.

Amidst many wonderful faces popping up whom I delighted in interceding in prayer for, another face popped up. It was a little girl. I should preface this by divulging that I've tried to be intentional about processing my heart, thoughts, & emotions during this transition process, in light of both the life and geographical effect. This can prove to be difficult when you have unending lists of things to do and people to see.

But still, I couldn't shake this image of a little girl out of my mind. As I looked closer I came to realize that that little dark haired, ungraceful girl was me. In my childhood form. And what she was doing was holding toys and trinkets in the bulk of her arms. As she gazed at them, suddenly one popped out. As she bent down to pick it up again, yet another ball fell out of the other side. She squat down with her little chubby legs to try and to detain the new runaway only to have her hair fall, obstructing her limited childhood gaze. Phew, Phew she blew as she tried to clear the tangled mess. To no avail. Squinting her eyes in an attempt to focus, she set off once again in the noble mission of reclaiming her lost ball, while protecting and directing the current treasure within her arms.

Even as I type this with my One Village coffee in hand at 9:30a on a snowy morning of my twenty seventh year of living, I'm strangely aroused to the fact that not much is different between my current self and that little girl. Inclusive of even the fact that my hair is still a mess from not yet engaging the day, I find that I still share the same sentiments of this little girl. We both believe that what we are doing is worthwhile and important. Yet we both mess up all the time as we strive to do a good job in the midst of the honesty of who we are. She gets distressed momentarily, but not anxious. She gets frustrated, but not defeated. She lives in the freedom of her present, equipped task, and doesn't fret over what bigger things her eyes cannot see. She simply doesn't worry about them. Her gift without realizing it, is her simple presence and beauty, innocence, and joy. She lives in the freedom of not feeling pressured to be an expert, or have answers, or master skills. She lives in a world where she is perfect. As she is. And I have so much to learn from her.

He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

-Matt 18: 2-4

Hint: I'm the youngest (aka chubby baby) and yes, that is an authentic She-Ra Princess of Power doll. The 80's did rock. :)

One day at a time.

Sometimes the greastest blessings can come in little snipetts. Kay Arthur gives me encouragement each day through a flip book, and I cannot recant the many times that her encouragment and truth has hit right on! (LOVE when the Big Guy does that!)

Thought I'd share an entry of hers from January 15th, which came in perfect timing.

"Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He will do it." Ps 37:5

Her thoughts: O Beloved, the will of God is simply that you submit yourself to Him each day and say, "Father, Your will for today is mine. Your pleasure for today is mine. Your work for today is mine." Take one day at a time. "Tomorrow will care for itself" (Matt 6:34). And remember, He is God over all your tomorrows.

Beautiful. And valuable for a girl leaving on a trip in two weeks who is currently struggling with time management. It reminds me that each day belongs to the Lord- it's His. It begins and ends with Him. It surrenders and lets go to Him. It loves and outpours of Him. It steals away and rests in Him. It is the same today in Telford, as it will be in Turrialba, Costa Rica. A day at a time.

Thank God for that. :)

the title.

In light of the fact that some people may be new to my blog, I decided to highlight an excerpt from my very first post which explains the reason for why I chose this title.

"The title of my blog was gathered at the memory of my last sunday in America before I left [for Spain]. I found my self in a house with friends, relaxing and communing together over a glass of wine and cheese. Therefore, in its Spanish embodiment, "Queso y Vino Conmigo" is an invitation. It's an invitation to come and have some cheese and wine with me; as we look together at the world, life, love and everyting in between. Bienvendios" 5/29/07

A new day. A new season.

It's hard to believe that this blog has endured silence for the past 9 months. It's not hard to believe that school, especially Nursing school, can be so all-encompassing that peripheral enjoyment, be it expressing thoughts in blog-form or communing with friends, unfortunately, gets shelved until the air clears, as sanity and freedom find their way home again.

Not that I'm completely sane or free at the current moment ;-), but I do relish in the fact that certain obstacles have been endured, overcome, and the chapter of Nursing School and prep are finished. I'm an RN.

With my life changing seasons, and as I head out to Costa Rica on this journey the Lord has me on, I suddenly find new inspirations, time, and a longing to express my heart in this journey and the desire to invite you along.

I'm not typically known for quick quips, genius exhortations, or lofty artistic narratives. I do find life comical at times, and find such value in sharing stories. So I hope you enjoy joining me in sharing mine.

Buen dia! Y Bienvendios al viaje!
(Good day & Welcome to the Journey!)

beauty. truly.

It's not much of a surprise that the demands of school and life have kicked me into auto pilot. A place where I stay the course ahead of me and find little distraction to my left or right. There have been many times when I've thought "oh! that' d make a great post!" or "I should totally blog about that." But alas, leave it up to spring break of '09 to give me a breath, a sigh, to finally have the heart, mind, and energy to post. :)

I LOVE nature. It's said in the scripture of the Bible that the first missionary to bare witness of God to humanity was/is Nature. I truly believe that if we are open to learning and being enlightened by it - how great and many things we can receive and experience! I had the sheer joy of discovering Longwood Gardens with my friend Ali this morning. Amidst the tantalizing of our senses by explosive colors and fragrances, there was so much to be learned.

I was particularly impressed upon by this group of flowers/leaves.

Aside from the purity of the white pedals or the strong green leaves, what this picture lacks is the alluring fragrance that draws and entices the unsuspecting onlooker into its sweet aroma of bountiful honey suckle. To rest under its canopy of delight is to temporarily escape a world full of mundane, drab, and malodor. It's a gift. A moment of pure delight that is meant to be cherished and enjoyed.

This picture, tells a tale of how there's such beauty in the imperfectness and messiness of life. Notice the buds. They are all over the place. Some are in full bloom, showing off their glory, while others are dying and falling apart. Still some pedals are yet to be realized or even sprout. Such a messy and complex collection of action within such a small branch of this plant. And the leaves! oh, the leaves well look at them! Some strong, solid, dark green. Shiny with visible health. An others- why, they're old, torn. Ripped. Browning. Scarred.

Isn't that the picture of a human life? So complex. Feeling like we've achieved so much and wear it proudly, yet are being stripped and reduced, while other experiences/dreams/knowledge have not even begun to make themselves known in us. And isn't it true that we find such great confidence and security in the strengths of our "known" and "conquered" while we sit ashamed and scarred by the depravity and hurtfulness of living in an imperfect world. This picture is a human being. Fragile, yet resilient. And you know what? In it's imperfect, dynamically changing, and honest form, it was the source of utter beauty and delight to me today.

I was enchanted by its fragrance and refreshed by its mere presence. It was perfect, just the way it was. It was beautiful, flaws and all. I love the fact that nature does not seek pretentiousness. It does not seek to hide the reality of what it is and is not. It simply lives and moves as it was created to. What would happen if we, as humans created in the image of God, would do the same? To live with such raw honesty that we experience the essence of truly living verses taking up space. How much beauty would flow from our lives into others?

Ironically, aside from blessing our sense of smell and sight, this plant also is destined to produce fruit. It doesn't matter how many blossoms are attached, how "untouched" the leaves are. The fruit comes, because the stem/the vine produces it. It was created to do so. And it does.

(Ali and I in a moment of *slightly cheesy, but totally sincere* bliss)

I ran into Mercy

A Journal Entry 11/19/08

"I ran into Mercy today. Literally. Her name is Mercy [Andrews] and she's an OB nurse at the hospital I'm currently assigned to. She's from India and has been a nurse for many years. I wasn't co-assigned to her, but interacted with her all morning as I wandered around trying to find clean linens, alcohol swabs, ice machines, lg BP cuffs, and the like, whilst trying to care for my two post-partum (aka: just had babies yesterday!) patients. She helped me find the bathroom using her codes and I guess had been observing me all morning.

Near the end of my shift, I was helping a nurse get ginger ale for a patient - and Mercy was in my way. Literally. So I playfully "attacked" her seeking her help finding this allusive ginger ale. After pointing to a nearby cabinet, she added "there's something about you. You're going to be good." Not quite sure what she was referring to, she continued. "I've done this for 26 years. I've seen all kinds [of people]. And you'll be good," she stated, wagging her finger. "Keep going and working hard, but don't worry, you've got it."

It? How did she know? How did she know about the deep questions in my heart that sincerely question whether or not I'll be a good nurse? How did she know my frustration that creeps in, leading me to believe that no matter how hard I work, it seems I'll never be good enough. how did she know that I question whether or not I can do this? Be a good friend? A good daughter? Sure. I can do those. But a good nurse?

I was so touched that I went over and gave her a hug and a thanks. She smiled and laughed. What's this "something about you"? It's joy. It's love. Pure love that is quick to serve, love, help & forgive. It's so rare to see in the medical world in its purest form. It's Jesus. The manifestation of His spirit. And Mercy saw it. And affirmed me in it. And I'm thankful. Thankful that Jesus chooses to use screw-ups like me to spread his love, joy, and healing around in this world.

It truly is a mystical happenstance to have someting so pure flow through a vessel so broken and messed up and unpure. I suppose the scientific mind would not be so easily pleased with this explaination, unless they suppose that as a pure substance flows through the cracked and maimed vessel, it repairs, heals, and rejuvinates (or renews) it as it goes. Supposing this pure substance is potent and powerful enough to do so, and in turn, purify the once maimed vessel. I cherish the fact that the God I worship loves to rejuvinate and heal His broken vessels... on the way to healing and rejuvinating broken vessels.

I'm thankful for Mercy. Who brought healing words from my Maker to my heart."