new things

It is not uncommon for me to travel to a new or exotic place. I am hardly new to the task and tend to have a pretty confident attitude regarding the whole affair. This presupposition is why I was shocked to discover a week full unwelcomed and uninvited anxiety, regarding all things new.

In the most random of places, including at airport security (at a few airports), ordering a sandwich at a cafe in Belfast, and riding in a car with a new missionary friend who would host me for the night, I found myself bombarded with anxiety, fear, and loneliness. I found this strange b/c I have done this traveling thing before... but like all things new, I think all of us can relate to the fear of the unknown, the insecurity in our capabilites to handle it, and perhaps the relief of looking back in hind's sight at what we may attribute to our own strength in handling a situation, or in my case, relying solely on the strength of something greater to see me through.

J.E. 5.29.07 (journal entry)

Bravery

Some people, when they look at me, claim that I am a brave person. Dos cosas (two things):

Uno: No. They are mistaken. I am not brave. At heart, I'm just a scared little girl traveling to familiar and unfamiliar places solely trusting that something bigger than me is watching over and taking care of me.

Dos: Si. I am brave. I am when you define bravery as not the absence of fear, but the perserverance through it.


I got onto the airplane in Newark, NJ needing a month and a half away. I felt like a damp cloth that had been wrung out very tightly, extracting all the water and all that's left was a twisted and crinkled piece of fabric. I need this time. I need re-evaluate my life. I need to spend more time with the One I love the most. I need to wrestle with questions in my heart. Despite all the hard stuff, I want this time. I'm thankful I have it. And I'm thankful I have such wonderful people to travel through it with.